well that went fast

or not.

we're not in kansas anymore, toto.

i will start by saying i did not read every post before starting this new post.

i will also say that since last here, i have moved, gotten a divorce, started a new job and moved again.

i don't feel bad for not being here until now because this place is a vacuum and i have been trying to connect to real human beings in my life instead of only with my own self.

but just the other day i felt like i needed to type....

o m gaaaaaawed! i watch television now! no no no, don't get ahead of yourself, not game of thrones or breaking bad or anything CRAzeee. but i watched the WHOLE series of gilmore girls and just started parenthood. i know. i hope you were sitting down. there is talk of this is us, six feet under, and ma-ma-ma-maaaaaybe friday night lights. we'll see. as with all of my other endeavors, let's not rush into anything.

whew! well i'll be. here i am again. 17 months later? shit goes fast. but no, it was slow, arduous, sad, miserable, enlightening, hopeful, fun, exciting, new, deep. so different. i am still me. i was me all along. i don't know that i actually got any smarter. i just decided that being happy is a better choice than feeling small and somehow, with the help of all my friends and family, counselors, strangers and angels, i am starting to ease on into it. and it feels great.

jazzhands

setting them down for deep breaths, a rooted stance and slowed reactions. this will not be easy but this will be so much better.

shit is happening

I just figured out that life is a lot more complicated, difficult, painful and messy than I had ever let myself believe.

February Starts Now

It's OK that January got away from me. It was a rather thick month - as it usually is. Did I tell you already how Amy is going to switch birthdays with me next year? That or I decide to only celebrate my 1/2 birthday. I need a fricking pool party, that's what I'm saying here, people.

Except, the second I express angst on my dearest of months I am reminded that a prairie sunrise at Redpath in January is truly a winter wonder. I got one this year! And an hoot owl serenade to boot.

So here's to the garnet!

Day 1 of February: I think there is a big game today. I really don't support the NFL, but in honor of Pete's concussed head, we'll probably watch. Even though he shouldn't be watching TV. It was a curling incident a few nights ago that was not likely handled properly. So I give it to the NFL - at least they have standards and protocols. I just checked his pupils, confirmed he didn't feel sick to his stomach and we went to bed. Room for improvement on the emergency situations, right? Hopefully he got some rest last night and escalations are kept to zilch today. I have some jalapeno stuffed mushrooms I'm gonna make and maybe some wings. Lazy Sunday Is In Order.

In other news: I got a Smith-Corona!! I am merely the custodian of my dear Aunt Lezlie's old typewriter. It's glorious! The g and w stick a bit, but I will figure that out soon enough. I've already gotten a few letters out the door and it feels great. One thing about typewriters: You screw up, you gonna start over? Or you just gonna make it work? The editing, re-editing, and uber-editing are eliminated from my insane message dispersal process. It's awesome!

I have some sun lined up for my bad self. Mexico and Florida for sure. Maybe another Florida and an Arizona mixed in there too. Lots of work anxiety continues to permeate my everyday life, but here, we write, we purge, we take steps towards corralling the concern and moving through it. Eat that Mars.

phono

t'was an old vinyl christmas and all through the house not a people was sitting, not even a mouse!

berger hooked up kk's old turntable a few weeks ago and these here 70s kids got a lesson in how to stack n spin! dude, it was so fun. dad had a BUNCH of old 45s, got even more from vicky lynn and then pete and i brought a batch of jim eliason's LPs and liddy gave them some too. lester young was a HIT! it was really something special.

and just like conan says, it makes me realize that there is no room or reason for cynicism. cynicism gets us nowhere. so the hipsters are grabbing vinyl off the shelves and it's new old cool and whatever whatever. it's fucking awesome is what it is. to hear the needle drop and float - and to listen, to actually listen to what someone put together for our enjoyment - in it's entirety - and then to be so engaged that it's a pleasure to flip it.

thanks to kk and to the lovers of music in my family and everywhere.

just ask the axis - he knows everything.

mars is in retrograde

no, it's not. i don't even know what that means. and i am sure it's not true this time of year. i guess we made it to mars? good for us. as stated in previous posts, i am all in on space travel. i think Sir Richard Branson would meet me and like me and be like duh, of course you're coming with. you're rad, rachel.

pandora! do you love how i am always like 10 years behind? yes, yes you do. duuuuuude! i got an iphone! omgomgomg steven was like, "give your sister her phone back!" classic. it's real. i haven't upgraded to the new ios (even pete has!) so i am still going slow, but better than qwerty, right?!
anyway, streaming pandora today's hits. i just love it. it's like yer my mirror, we live in cities, lately i've been i've been losing sleep, girls chase boys, i mean they are hits because they are catchy, yo. it's just simple music-industry-over-engineered-craftsmanshit but it's fucking catchy. im dancing in my chair.

in other news - first post of 2014? oct 5? yipes. let's just say it wasn't a good year? i dunno. i had a lot of weeding out to do. it was overgrown. life and the blog. but what did jose always say? throw it over the wall, man. throw it over the wall.

so here's your debut, Senor Blog. make the best of it because you ain't gonna pay the billz but maybe it'll be fun. well that's guaranteed.

sunRISE

there really is nothing like watching the sunrise. and good thing. it's nice to have events in this world that are like no other. note em, mark em, appreciate em.

i have been trying to learn to sit still. i pull out the bleacher chair onto the stoop and watch for about thirty minutes while the sky goes through an awesome transformation. slowly the black turns to midnight blue and streaks of magenta and dark orange appear on the horizon. it all happens so fast as the cirrus clouds go from grey to pink to white. it's difficult for me to sit and just watch and be present. i am always thinking about what's next...an email, this blog, work....i use the idea of a border collie around my thoughts - circle em, bring em in. stay HERE.

once it's up, its nice too - but dawn! don't miss it next time you have a chance.