inspiration

what keeps me away for three months? i have no idea. i'm not DOING anything, that's for sure. pete's back in school, i have weeknights mostly to myself, i go out with friends, go to the gym, cook dinners, i even started watching TV! i know - actual TV! but then today steven sent me a hulu link and i realized that's a LOT easier than muscling through the ED and frequent pissing drug commercials. so it was a passing fad - those nbc thursdays.


speaking of not watching tv (they don't own one) - heidi had her baby! you probably didn't hear, but my best friend from college finally got herself pregnant (her husband helped) and the baby arrived november 4th. little raina lyn. i know - it's adorable. and so is she. can't wait to meet the little pumpkin.


so that got me thinking about how pete and i visited my dad's college friends last night. they must feel about me how i feel about raina. i mean i haven't even met her and i love her. and i always will b/c she's jedd+heidi and they are two of the raddest people you haven't met yet. she's gonna be a little farm girl and it's going to be marvelous.


i on the other hand turned into a suburban wife with little direction and no desire to finish anything i start. but boy do i like to start things! sometimes i wear the bravado like a wool sweater: "i don't care about my hair or my looks or the impression i am making - i am just me." but we all care. it's so hard not to. and we are all hard on ourselves. it's so hard not to be. but i have to say - 31 helped me exhale a little. 31 has brought a lot more introspection and pleasant discoveries and proud moments of internal inspiration that i've missed in past years. can i admit that i just realized that if i do something when no one is watching, i'm watching - and that's all that matters?


how far does the self-discovery go? it's eternal. ask the dream circle. but let's be nice to ourselves. give yourself some credit but don't let that be a crutch to no consequences. consequences and repercussions, my man. that's the only way to improve. that and lots and lots of doggie treats.


and as i re-read this like the obsessed editor that i haven't become i realize how hard it is to take your own advice. i want everyone to be the best they can be and i want everyone to be easy on themselves and i want everyone to see what makes them shine...but how do you do that for yourself? lately i just think about where pete and i are going, if we'll have kids, if we'll leave minnesota, why i don't write more, when i'll stop eating so many potato chips, if i should be in bremen, where the years went, what makes me happy, how i can help, if i can do this, what path i missed, and where i can get my wassermaxx canisters refilled. nah, i never think about that last one. it seems impossible!


anyway, i don't know much. but i know that i should get outside at lunch tomorrow. it's my only hope obi-wan.

hug it

people who don't tear up for a tree have problems. man! they are cutting down the 20+ trees across the street today and i am seriously broken up about it. i LOVE those trees. sure, they are sticking the eyesore water reservoir underground, but still - they can't replace those trees. and they won't try. i feel like i should have fought harder for them b/c like willy santiago, they couldn't fight for themselves.



i like making really broad statements about people. like i almost started this posting with "i have nothing in common with people who don't cry for trees." well that's a little drastic. "nothing" is a little much. but i do rely on so many miniscule details to judge a persons character. i will try to make note of them and return with a list. #1: being sad that a big old tree is cut down for no good reason.

dreamt

how do you feel about ufos? i mean how to do you REALLY feel? cause i can be all cocky in the daytime and say, sure - there's aliens, someone is listening to us, etc. etc. but when i am sitting out on my stoop with my sister drinking some pinot noir, contemplating life into the night - and a sudden flash high above our heads comes out of nowhere to blind us....ah, yeah - i told jesus that i'm a mere mortal - go somewhere else to come back from heaven cause i can't handle it. and now i have to email belinda jensen b/c i am certain if anyone else saw it, they are emailing her too. wtf man.

over and out.

globetrotter

i used to think that i'd type here and then eventually reveal it to everyone, but i second guess that when i consider bitching about work or detailing how i sometimes stalk people. but we'll keep those things on the downlow for awhile longer. whilst i decide what becomes of this.

last october we got a hotel room with our friend sam, got drunk, went to a yonder mountain string band show at first avenue and somewhere along the way, someone smashed my left big toe. it's june now and it's still not fully grown out. what does that mean? am i deficient of something? you'da thunk it would've been long gone in 8 months. i mean christ, i could probably bring a child to term faster than my toenails grow. is that strange?

steve talked about gravity today. how his wife wasn't buying it - that people in australia are actually standing upside down. i love it! p.s. everyone needs a globe at their house. my coworker was in china recently and his young daugther was like, "how far away were you, daddy? like where gramma and grampa live (madison)?" again, only a globe could explain.

pete's watching men in black II. now men in black, that is a kick ass movie. i think we've discussed this before....anyway, sequel? i'm in here if that says anything about my interest level. alas, the couch is calling my ass. and my ass is really obideient. except about the part where it doesn't gather fat on it.

riiiiiight

yeah - so i have this blog and i never write in it. here's the deal: i love to write. i really really do. i never thought i'd be interested in fiction, but i took a writing class at the loft and really got some ideas flowing. but i haven't sat at my desk for some time now. usually i imagine that i'll write a book like high tide in tucson or one of david sedaris' books so i am always jotting down ideas and typing up little quips. what i SHOULD be doing is typing them in here. but ya see....the thing is....i hate sitting in front of a computer at home. sure i surf the web, look up recipes and check facebook a few nights/week...but holy crimony. i sit in front of this sterilizer (two under my desk actually. and about to be three if steve can't find my fucking buildmachine a different home) all day. i get up once in awhile to get some tea of scrounge in the fridge for my yogurt...but for the most part i am typing, surfing, clicking and staring at a monitor all day long. over it. i get home and i'd rather be in the garden, tromping around outside, filling birdfeeders and whatnot. or just inside stuff that doesn't include sitting at this thing all evening too.

i read somewhere that it was pretty obvious in bladerunner that computers were over with. they served their purpose and had moved into small tools so they were no long prominent. that day will be interesting.

a dude i know wants one thing. he thinks there should be one thing that does it all. plays his cds, projects movies onto his wall, tells him the rules to his favorite card game, stores his photos etc. etc. and so on and so forth. i like it. i say go for it bill gates. but he never would. there is $ in lots of things that break quickly. there's no money in a one thing that costs a lot. people get em, they last, no turnaround.

everything comes back to the consumer, doesn't it. sad.

anyway, i missed april - but i'll get better. i actually have a few drafts that never make the PUBLISH. i'll look into them and if they are worthy, i'll get em up asap. over and out. time to pack for our trip to grand rapids. i love it up there. no computers and i am pretty sure my cell phone doesn't work. hopefully.

blockbusters

movies are back in my life. did i tell you that pete signed up for netflix? it was quite a coup d'etat in this house b/c we've pretty much avoided movies for the last decade. i don't know if we are picky exactly - but we, well yeah, i guess we are really picky. i need to be entertained and if i'm not it's kind of a like a personal affront to my intelligence and the value of my time. like batman begins. omg did i hate that movie. hated it! joker was interesting sure - but the movie? 70 minutes too long. and we just watched mystic river on friday. i think i missed something b/c sean penn wasn't that great. sorry. but he wasn't. tim robbins - awesome. murder story, interesting. rest of the characters - snoresville and not believable. marcia gay harden is good but bacon? his estranged wife? what? i was over it 10 minutes in.



so what's so special about movies being back in my life? nothing.

oh for christ's sake. this is hilarious! i almost (almost) forgot i even had this little diddy going. i think my goal was one post per month. i hate goals. i'd rather just be pleasantly surprised with a mild level of success - which is to say, low expectations don't leave you disappointed. i know, sad. but i always have a smile on my face so it can't be all-bad.

we just got back from a radical trip to Big Sky Country. holy smokes was it great. pete likes to push me and prod me to be faster and better, but i just like to roll down the hill, gain some speed, take a fast turn and enjoy the ride. i think he could snowboard every day of his life. we've got to get that boy back to the mountains.

in the meantime, did i say, "holy fuck it's hard to get back into the swing of things" yet? cause it is. my body rejected my computer desk like a bad organ. a cirrhosified liver. it wasn't pretty. i almost cracked some skulls on tuesday. but today went more smoothlyer. i was actually able to laugh about the poop water dripping from the flooded boy-toilet upstairs. if you can't laugh at poop water, you have problems. unless of course you are the poor soul who has to clean it up. god bless 'em.

and in the spirit of trying to be excited again about work, let's talk about the fact that we recycle now! i don't have to wake up nights devising new ways to make our office manager feel bad about not recycling. not that i put in that much effort. mostly i just got pissed about it but kept it to myself. oh here and there i'd drop clues...but i think it took a few more employees dropping their jaws at our past practices to finally wake 'em up. i think it's working out well if only b/c i see all the cardboard taken away for recycling instead of hauled to the dump. i didn't know people didn't know about recycling. my dad has been recycling since i was born. it's hard to teach something that wasn't learned. is that true?

i think it might be. things that are just so engrained in you - i mean i've not thought about what is recyclable for ages. i just know. why can't you recycle ziplocs in your weekly recycling? i don't know - you just can't. i am going to think of other things i live daily and should be able to explain better.

yeah right, i'll be back in three months - laughing my ass off at the november posting but grimacing again at september and october. tschus!