sabbatical

some days i just lose it. i mean just off the rocker, completely balls-to-the-padded-walls nuts. i can be normal. i can really rip a line - time it well and make em roll. and i can find THE most postive thing in the day and make it work for me. i have a pal who says i can find the good in satan himself. it's a sickness really. but some times i just can't take it anymore. i just want out. and it's more than out of the game, the rat race, the story...it's that i want off the planet. i want a rocket ship, some cheese and crackers and water and i want to navigate outerspace for awhile. but be able to bring up those hologram interactions like on star trek the next generation so i can try a few things out and not completely forget how to converse.

thus, the sabbatical.

how does that work? i mean i don't have kids so it's at least plausible. my shoulders are in my ears, my brain waves are borderline. gotta get away? yes southwest. yes i do. whaddya got for me?

i don't have holiday anxiety this year. thank the lord. i am excited for all festivities near and far. all will be near, however b/c sista 2 is having her 1st come december 30th. or thereabouts. but i win the baby day pot if it's the 30th. gotsta love the wholesomeness of betting on the tinyest of humans.

not much else here to pull ya through the doldrums. 1) need a sabbatical 2) baby nephew on his way and 3) there is no snow. it's a real crapshoot out there kids. 2012 has a nice ring to it. but don't they all in the beginning...

11-11-11

armistice. wwi ends. the world is never the same. and then neither is the holiday remembering it.

i had a few kitchy ideas about a post that included inventing scratch and smell photos and how google won't stop until they are snuggled softly in your bed.

but then i typed 11-11-11 and decided to just keep it clean and commit to returning in a few...

never too late?

i just had a moment - the ones that lead me here. a dear old family friend got married last weekend and i was moved to tears over a blog post her friend wrote about her. she's a kid - like everyone under 30, i guess. my little sister's age. just a pup. but the blog post revealed that she's grown into a thoughtful, inspirational woman. and it makes me....it makes me want to use the word woman more. to say hello, i am an adult woman and here is what i think. here is how i feel. here is what i am all about. and yet also makes me feel like i need to recapture youth. to have been as wise as she clearly is. it's god. it's faith. it's being ever-present and in the moment. i think a lot of my friends would put me there. would say i can connect. but i am starting to slowly realize i can connect with them - with people...but have to start connecting with myself. i have a decent self-image on the outside but the blog post made me realize i have a lot of clean up to do on the inside. and it's never too late, right? so i didn't know it at 23 or 27...or maybe i did. maybe i am being too hard on myself. but it's true - success isn't a huge step in the future, it's a small step right now. if you think can or you think you can't, you're probably right. so here goes...

live

rhymes with hive. i think pete has engrained it in me but i honestly see no point in watching a sporting event that isn't live. mostly i think it's because the planet has an energy surrounding events like that - like ANY event, really - and the cheers and jeers and subsequent negative ions from all the activity have disappated if you try to tape it and watch it later. what's the point? that SAID, i would totally watch the 2009 mlb game 163 twins vs tigers any day of the week. it was a roller coaster theatrical performance! i have yet to find it at best buy. come ON fsn north, let's move on that. it also goes for the women's world cup soccer quarterfinal between the us and brazil. holy moses was that an intense piece of cinema! a lotta ins and outs, a lotta what-have-yous and a lot of nonsense! but oh-so-worth-it in the end. but back to my earlier point about taped sporting events: i got some flack yesterday for announcing the us vs france semifinal score at work b/c someone was dvarrrrghin' it. boo. take a long lunch and watch it live next time, buckoh. and Go USA! see YOU in the finals!

coinkydink

here comes the sun! doi.

two days in a row?! this is totally unprecidented. but i feel like this is the only way i am going to get to the orchard. write my way outta here!

so do you or don't you believe in coincidence? is it a belief? i mean isn't is a noun? so this dude sends me a song today, i listen, i like, later i look up the lyrics and love and then do my normal putz, end-of-the-day work nonsense and head out to the car. timing! silence and then..."I was raised up believing i was somehow unique..." what?! right right, it's popular right now, it can all be rationalized away (what can't?) but let me live in the moment? i did. i did live in it and then retold it twice and already it's fleeting. like there are already so many seconds between then and now that it seems a bit silly. i hate that. i hate that i can't capture that feeling at that moment and bottle it and have it whenever i damn well please. well that seems a little greedy. i know. i already know i love the moments, i love when they happen, i love the way they make me feel and it wouldn't mean as much if i had it on demand. because the river flows, because the square doesn't get shoved into the round hole, because i'm not a bisybackson it'll happen again...coincidence? i think not.

may flowers

it was a long cold lonely winter. there is a song in that, but it's buried right now. beatles, i'm sure. we've finally got some signs of life though. leaves are OUT. potatoes are UP. birds are TWITTER-Pete'n. it's on. spring is on.

and so is the spring fever. a rash of activities have been going on at work. horseshoe pits are being regroomed, jogging adventures and get-a-load-a-this: we played tennis at the park by elizabeth's! lassen court! parc place? i can't remember the name of the development but i just about shit when i was at the corner of kennelly and the parkway. what a trip. to be back somewhere you know so well, but didn't expect to BE. i can't explain it. to turn a corner and just know it. i couldn't explain it to the guys either. we lived there. soccer games, swings, adventures in minivans. franklins. how many weekends did i spend in that block when i was young? every one.

so spring has sprung. things are starting off so different than a year ago. brighter. airyer. middle-a-may and the ice shell around my heart and soul has thawed. be easy on us, summer. we just got out of a long and desolate relationship with your nemesis. let's not make this a competition.