ready, set, go

i just got a little discouraged while doing a search for a literary agent. and then i was like maybe you should write the book first. right. write.

new tactic - consolidation. i keep thinking about this tactic, but not really taking action. and by not really taking action, i mean buying three more places to write things down. holy moses, kid. get a grip.

so if shit doesn't hit the fan and the dear mayans in all their wisdom didn't really mean for the world to end, i am going to label 2013 as the year to bring it tagetha. 2012 was wake up. one year was deliberate.

but as with so many things in my life - they don't stick. ideas, themes, mantras, intentions. i just talked to dad about this the other day: the builders in my life (lots) have so much experience seeing it through. knowing that you have to start somewhere to get anywhere. understanding that it's quite possible you will have to take many many steps backwards to go forwards again. and that it's not about the end result, but the process. though the end result has got to feel good. i don't think i've undertaken anything that requires any semblance of tedium, complexity or patience. if i can't complete it in 30 minutes, why start it? and if it takes any longer, why finish it?

there is a slowing down that i'd like to see. i can ponder thoughts and write out diatribes and be hilarious and craft the sound...but to what end? i laugh a LOT when i reread. and i love that. i love not even remembering having that thought but feeling like i know that person who wrote that. maybe just because of the handwriting sometimes - cause i swear some of those thoughts - i'm not sure i'd have them the same way twice.

here is where i make short statements. here is where i plant seeds. there isn't much here, but how does my garden grow? never that great.

so 2013: i'm gonna try. i have a least a backpack full of paper products and 1gb worth of electronic ones. i am so wintry mixed on how to tackle this. part of me wants to go retro and not trust a cloud or a hard drive. and part of me knows i can type faster and craft better on this thing. so. i think there will have to be a meeting of the minds on this. put out some options, come up with a plan, and just run with it. i think you can trust things you think you can't. and i think you will feel so much better if you commit to this in a way you've wanted to for seven years. please don't let another year go by where you did nothing. this is a perfect chance. BANG!