ain't seen nuthin yet...

we turned the kitchen table so as to both face the out-of-doors whilst eating. love it! we've been in this house for 7 years, friends. seven fucking YEARS. i think i was in denial for about the last four. denial of? i have no idea. like i never got a rug for the computer room, i never got window treatments, i haven't planted any perennials in the back, the driveway is a clover-haven...we did get the rocks cleaned out in the garden though. that's something. it was pete's idea. i feel like i've been in this god-forsaken holding pattern for...seven years? fahck. pete needed a mission and i twasn't ready for mine. so i just sent him on his and tried not to go bonkers. it sure takes a lot for me to go bonkers, by the way. boundaries. i have so few. and yet....i can be pretty guarded. and naieve. selective perception. it amazes me how little i filter. or care what people think. i have this silent....unsaid code. i just know when something is wrong or off base or not up to code. mostly it's pete who breaks code. he acts awkward or says something that he shouldn't and i judge him for it. and yet....i am always drawn to the way he conducts himself. honest. brutally so sometimes. a real fit-pitcher at times. but passionate. you've GOT to give him that. and in the end that is what has kept me in it to win it. passion for....his music, his interests, his feelings, others circumstances. he lives thick. i skim. some would say that isn't true. here is my deal: i skim my own feelings. sure i can be reactionary and go for the laugh or be poignant when code calls....but to delve into me. i just often don't know how i feel about a topic and often don't understand the power of my words. i am bright but can miss what is being lit. ach so. so anyway, we look to the grassy knoll now and it is absolutely brilliant. choice meat grade a prime real estate. no idjits or dogs or nuthin. new perspectives rock.